So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
