Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
