belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
