you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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