Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We need to rekindle our bromance
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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