Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
