if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
