Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
