Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
