He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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