So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
