Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
