I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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