He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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