if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
