We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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