The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
