if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
