Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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