Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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