dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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