Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
