I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
