Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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