I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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