well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
