i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was like eating out sand paper
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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