Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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