but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
