So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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