YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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