I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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