yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
