She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
