Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
