I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
