its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
