i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
