he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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