U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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