Im at strip club and am horny
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
