the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
