I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
