pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
