So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
