Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
