dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
