we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
