i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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