The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
