As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize