She is in my trunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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