I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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