Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
