Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
