I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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