After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
