He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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