I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize