Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
