I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
