There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
