this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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