dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize