Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
