I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
