Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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