I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
