Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and she was petting her beer can
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
