my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Randomize
