so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
