I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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