K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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