I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
