He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
