The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
